You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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