someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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