You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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