drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
