I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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