found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
