I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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