Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
