a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
