If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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