He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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