i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
