Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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