I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
