She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
