Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
