he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
