haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
