Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
