garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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