ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
