Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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