My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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