i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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