Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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