Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
