yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
