okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
