I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
