I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
