Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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