Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
