shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
