i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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