I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
