they need to just BURY HIM!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
