So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
