I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A bitchslap is in order.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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