my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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