I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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