I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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