Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
