Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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