pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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