glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
