please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My cat gives me a boner
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can I color on your dick again?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
