I am puke
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
