One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
