He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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