she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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