Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you traded sex for a burrito?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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