Do vagina's smell?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
