I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
