OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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