I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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