I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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