Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
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