i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
