Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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