I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
