I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
