Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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