Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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