I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
