Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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