It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
