Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
