I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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