Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
