we're blogging at a bar
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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