omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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