He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How drunk are you?
Completed.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize