Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
