someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
