You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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