Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
