He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
