how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and she was petting her beer can
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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