so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
