woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
